it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
