i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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