She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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