why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
