What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had to cum in my sink.
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