hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
