remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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