I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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