i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
