just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
