My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
