He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
bring money and cleavage
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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