i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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