This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
