May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
