If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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