when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
