I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
