Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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