you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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