Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
