Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
