just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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