Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
