I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
