this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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