I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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