i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
