She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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