When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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