i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
