As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
