Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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