So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
