He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
