he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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