i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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