Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
