I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
