we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
