She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
