I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
