This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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