I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
