don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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