oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
