Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
