dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
foreskin is a definite game changer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
