I CAN MOONWALK!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. š¦
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later heās sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled āfive times and I still havenāt gotten offā when he was still inside me ..
Said ādonāt worry Iāll get myself off tomorrowā to top it all off
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