Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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