I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
