..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
