Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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